Faith

My name means "mighty world ruler", how do you live up to that!?!? well it all depends on how you define world. I will have to say that I am definitely the ruler of my own world! I am a perfectionist and a control freak, I believe that if you want something done right, just do it your self.

This morning the Preacher for ONE PRAYER at Life Church spoke of how when God seems absent that is when He is working in your life more than you could ever imagine. This summer having to do deal with a lot of disappointment and a big lack of things to do, I was forced to sit and wait. When you sit and wait on God it is a time to seek His guidance, read His word and cry out to Him. I cried out to him through words, music, and dance, the only ways I really know how to cry.

Looking back it was a wonderful time, I grew in many ways. Some that I may never fully understand. Now I am over whelmed with things to do. I am volunteering at Life Church, and United Way, as well as training with Joe's Road Crew and maybe Mexico Joe's.

But back to this morning, the Preacher made a really interesting comment, for many of us after four days of unanswered prayer we give up and think there is no God, but Israel waited four hundred years on God to provide for them. When God seems absent will we be willing continue to be faithful to him? What if it is for 400 years? What if he never provides what you ask? Will you still serve Him? My summer is just now picking up and yet it is half over.

Romans 8:28 is a verse I wake up to every morning in my room, but it has new meaning to me now: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him..." but it may take time. God is good all the time, and all the time God is good, just trust in Him.

I have been fully challenged this summer to be reliant on God, because He has the whole world in his hands, He has the world the I want to be a mighty world ruler of in his hands. I am learning to turn over the reign of my world to Him.

People watching

Went to a park in Tulsa yesterday, despite the heat it was wonderful. I have driven by this park many a time, I always wanted to stop and yesterday I thought "what the hay! Just stop."

So I drove around and picked the ideal parking spot. As I walked through savoury green grass and a thick canopy of trees, I saw a Hispanic family watching the kids play on the swings and drink beer, it looked like a modern day Monet.

I crossed over the hill to the gardens. The gardens were full of small trails and secret passage ways, almost like something out of Alice In Wonderland. One led to a beautiful bench shaded by the trees and another led to a small stepping stone walkway across a narrow part of the lake. Once on the other side there was another bench shaded by the low branch of a tree. I sat down and enjoyed all that came along.

I had two mallard ducks approach me looking for food, a blue jay stopped by to say hi, a big brother in two full sleeved tattoos taking pictures with his sister walked by, a family of brothers under 10 ran around on the scenery in front of me, and a small herd of squirrels played in the trees. I read a couple Psalms, and some pages of my book then decided it was my time to explore. So I found another passageway back over the lake, this time it was a bridge of stone and wood. I came upon a small flower garden where I made a bouquet.

Altogether it was a wonderful afternoon, but the heat finally sent me toodling home.

I left thinking about why am I so amazed at other peoples lives? Is this why I love reality T.V., blogging, facebook, twitter, and so many other things? Because I get to see a glimpse of others lives and decide that mine is either better or worse than theirs?

Do I people watch to understand myself better? Or to understand others better?

It seems such a silly thing but I feel like in some small way I had a glimpse into the life of each person and animal I came in contact with, in some way I made an impact in their day and changed something about what they were to do, think or say. People watching is an amazing thing.

To answer my last two questions, it does both. We understand ourselves better by understanding others better. What a cool God to serve!

Now, I smell a brisket stewing. Another one of the many wonderful things God gives us, besides a brain, delicious food!

God is good, I am humbled

I wrote earlier in a post about the fact that I have been dying! God took away what could have possibly been the best summer of my life and I have done nothing but be a complete bum since. I hate bumming for more than a week. Weird I know but truth. As much as I love to play the guitar, get a full 9 or more hours of sleep and sit on the internet, I need structure! My true weakness, besides coffee, is that I need to be needed. It has been killing me that I am legitimately needed in Orlando by a wonderful Church and for some reason God would not let me help them.

Now, I don't want to say that "it all worked out for the good" because that is a crap phrases that Christians have coined to

1) make us feel better about our lives

2) help us not to deal with things

3) and keep God at a distance from us.

God is a big enough to allow things to not completely revolve around us and he sometimes does things just to do things. He is God, whatever he does is good and justified. This is one of the toughest things that we can possibly try to swallow about God. He is in complete control. Sometimes he proves he is in control through blessings and sometimes its through trial.

Is he always in control? Yes! Does he always know what the outcome is? Maybe, he knows the overall, and he is outside of time, yet we also have freewill(gigantic gray area there). God hates being put in a box and by telling each other as Christians that "it will all work out for the Good!" is putting God in a box. What if God does not make something work out for good? He took away a wonderful summer from me! or maybe he prevented me from getting raped. I have no idea!

Which is exactly the point that God wants me to be at right now. He is so good at challenging me. I never cease to be amazed at the wonderful fact that he is in control and I am not. As hard as I try, as much as I fight, as big a temper tantrum as I throw, he is my father, daddy, husband and the creator of my life. Which means, he can do whatever the hell he wants. Which a lot of times he will create hell just to prove he is God above all gods. Just as in the story of Elijah on mount Caramel, God will tear our gods down and mock them before our faces, whatever we have stupidly put before him he will take and burn to prove he is GOD!

Yes, not going to Orlando was for a purpose, I will say that everything has a purpose. But that does not mean that I am in control of that purpose, that does not mean anything God does makes sense. That means I am serving an amazing God that I cannot understand. As much as we all want a purpose driven life, the purpose is God! To say that everything works out for the good is a lie, divorces happen, people kill people and we live in a fallen world. Everything works out for God's good. He wants us humble before his thrown and completely dedicated to serving Him. We are in a spiritual battle we need to stand up and fight, not hope for the best to happen to us.

The job of being a DJ at Eskimo Joe's is seriously an amazing job, but I will be working at a club. This is going to be hard. Thankfully though I will grow, I will learn and become a step closer to the person God wants me to be!

God is so Good and so JUST! I am standing in awe of the ONE! I am taken care of by a huge God, who is big enough to handle my problems, and is in complete control of my life. that means something completely different to me now.

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

Psalm 3 

 ¹ O LORD, how many are my foes! 
       How many rise up against me!

 ² Many are saying of me, 
       "God will not deliver him." 
       Selah 

 ³ But you are a shield around me, O LORD; 
       you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.

 ⁴ To the LORD I cry aloud, 
       and he answers me from his holy hill. 
       Selah

 ⁵ I lie down and sleep; 
       I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.

 ⁶ I will not fear the tens of thousands 
       drawn up against me on every side.

 ⁷ Arise, O LORD! 
       Deliver me, O my God! 
       Strike all my enemies on the jaw; 
       break the teeth of the wicked.

 ⁸ From the LORD comes deliverance. 
       May your blessing be on your people. 
       Selah

The only difference is- it's not others that are rising against me, it's me rising against myself. 

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