Grown Up

I'm a grown up! I pay rent, get sleepy at 10 O'Clock, keep up with T.V. shows, get on Facebook way too much, blog and pin things, schedule bills, oil and filter changes and my own dental appointments. I am a grown up because I have had dreams and I have seen them fall apart.

Within the last 9 months I feel like I have lived and survived more life than anyone should have to live through in a normal 9 months. Full-time job, graduating, moving, relationships beginning and ending, crippling fear, counseling and lots of traveling. Yet through it all I have survived. Maybe a little worse for wear but I survived.

Today I was back on my old stomping grounds, JBU Chapel. Phil Visher, the creator of Veggie Tales, spoke and he was great!! He spoke as a man who has lived more life than the average person has lived. He was the CEO of a multimillion dollar business that he had worked towards since he was 14 and he then watched it all begin to crumble right before his eyes. He watched his dream come to life and he then watched them die. It's amazing how God gives us desires, hopes and dreams, to then ask us to lay them back down at his feet. I do believe he gives us dreams and he then asks us to let them go. Challenging what is more important in life, God or our Dreams?

We see this so many times in scripture, he gives someone a dream and then asks them to let it die. Abraham was asked to sacrifice the son he had waited so many years for, Jesus was only our true savior after he was sacrificed, the Shunammite woman who received a son and then held him as he died. But what is so funny to me is in all these stories the dreams come back after they are sacrificed, but they are never the same. They always come back even better than before. That doesn't mean they are better according to the world. But the Holly Spirit dwelling in us, instead of Christ dwelling among us, is a great added bonus. Does that mean I would have rather had the Holy spirit and no Christ? NOT AT ALL! But I am so glad that we had a dream come true and then it was sacrificed for a new dream to come true.

Being a grown up means that you are willing to give up on dreams. When you are young you want to grow up as quick as possible because you think it means all your dreams will come true. But in reality it's just the opposite. You are willing to give up those dreams that you had hand crafted and conceived of from childhood. Those dreams you clung to for dear life, that brought you comfort during hard times and help mold you into the person you are today. Yep! Those dreams, give them up.

Not because they won't come true, or they don't mean anything or you should of never had them, but because you understand that there are greater things than your dreams.

For Christ to die meant eternal life for all of us, and the Holy Spirit to come in his place and guide us. For Phil loosing his business meant that he would be able to reconnect with Christ, and put his pride in place to therefore start other entrepreneurial adventures. For me, loosing the dream of what my life would be like means that another life can be lived.

 "A servant cannot serve two masters. He will hate the first master and love the second, or he will be devoted to the first and despise the second. You cannot serve God and wealth."

This makes so much sense to me now. When you love something and serve it outside of the love of Christ, it becomes so much work! You become so weighted down by it, and you are so angry at God because life is suppose to be easy. But then you realize life is easy when you allow him to be your God and serve him alone. You then despise what you served before knowing that it was never going to have the freedom that comes in Christ.

Live in Christ, and allow your dreams to come through Him.

God Is Love

Ok so it has been a long time since I have made a post but I have not forgotten you blog.

So, I am really tired and very overwhelmed which makes sense that God would want to teach me a very valuable life lesson, because when it rains it pours. Therefore please ignore my awful grammar and anything that is not cohesive in what I am about to write. I really feel like I am suppose to write this for others to read.

This weekend has been crazy out of my control and, for those who know me, this is not something I enjoy. I had nothing to do Friday night so I randomly decided to make the 2 and a half hour drive home to hang out with the fam. My mom has been going through a lot post divorce and she needed some moral support. Well, I discover my A/C is broke on my way back Saturday afternoon at 2:30 in Tulsa traffic. I make it home alive to find the downstairs a mess with food and people. As I am getting in peoples ways trying to put food I had bought in bulk at Sam's I drop my keys, as normal, at my place on the table. I then head upstairs to get ready to go to the talent show. About an hour and a half later I get a text from my housemate telling me her friend whom was over has a set of keys that are not his with, and is wondering if they are mine. Low and behold my keys are not on the table, so yes they are. Two hours, 15 phone calls, an email and a facebook message later I get my keys back although not in time to attend the talent show like I had planned. I am so very mad and frazzled at this point I am beside myself.

I get in my car and head up to the Church to practice my set for this morning, and it is not coming together so I leave to come home and sleep with hope for a better tomorrow. Well, the service was fine, but I really felt like I was pushing for something to happen that was outside of God.

With all weighing on my shoulders I eat a wonderful lunch and watch head to watch a play with my housemate and her dad. Being big mouthed theater snob I say too many of my opinions unknowing in front of the Assistant Director.

I am a mess.

I then attend the Gather ( A jbu student lead service). I go in know what will be taking place through some various connections, so I walk in with certain expectations already.

The speaker is a wonderful woman who tells her life story and begins talking about being bitter and how she isn't. Then the music leaders whom I had some very low expectations for, and had a running list of critiques in my head about, play Center by Charlie Hall.

All this to say, I am an angry bitter person whom does not deserve my job, or my social standing in life. Yet, I have it. So why in God's Good and Great Name am I being bitter and cynical towards HIS AWESOME AND WONDERFUL CREATION??

God may you be the center of my life so that as the speaker said tonight I don't "have the earth's axis lodged in my backside and thinking it revolves around me." God thank you for making me cry tonight, thank you for letting me know this weekend that I am absolutely nothing without your presence in my life, and that every breathe I am breathing is a gift from you that I should not take for granted. I am nothing but because of you I am also something beautiful, and should not "think your love is not good enough and is therefore not worthy of me loving others with it," as the speaker said tonight.

Prose

SATISFACTION

· By Wishful Thinking

She walks into the room and stares, her heartfelt desires are coming true but are they really what she wants? She is nervous.

He looks into himself not knowing if he can handle it. what will the thoughts be? Why is it him? He is worried

Her old hands are shaking, she can barely pick up what she needs to so that she can complete her 9-5 that she still works. She is in pain.

He is sitting alone pondering what to do next, is their another step up or is this it? Looking back helps none in looking forward. He is scared

Why she is crying no one knows but her. it will be difficult to go through. she can’t decided.

Who can make us feel? Why do we need love? Where do the questions stop?

We go through time and wonder as to what we will do in life, and if we can live up to all there is to live up to.

We all fail and the hurt seeps in, it cracks the seemingly innocent walls of our hearts. We are all here and trying to survive. Is it evolution, human nature or God, that we are like this?

There is a choice of whether or not to know, love, laugh, and hope.

FEAR

What does it mean to be a christian? It means to sacrifice yourself and follow Christ. What does it mean to follow Christ? Now this is the interesting part.

To follow Christ you need to know Him. First and foremost He is the son of God and the bible is God breathed. Therefore, a key factor in knowing God is reading the Bible. We are taught in the bible to pray. Every strong Christ follower, as well as Christ Himself, are seen praying at key points in there life. So, praying as often as possible and setting a side a daily time to read the Bible is following Christ? Close but not quite there. The most important thing is fear. FEAR, how is fear the most important in following Christ?

Fear, when you are afraid of something it consumes you. When you are afraid of heights then just looking at something slightly taller than your knee makes your heart sink. This is because you the know of power of heights, so you pay great respect to it, you do not try to make it conform to your will but you allow it do its thing while you stand out of the way. This is the fear of God. As we read the Bible and pray and grow in our understanding of God, we are to fear Him. We are to grow in reverence, love and awe of Him, allowing him to take control of our life and set aside our will for His.

Change my Heart, oh God!

We are in the season of LENT!

In today's children sermon, and at JBU's Ash Wednesday service, we learned that Lent is a time of spring cleaning. Where we refocus our hearts on Christ and what His will is for our lives.

I would agree, it is a time of remembering our cross and what

it means to daily carry it. Lent is a time where you sacrifice, mainly by giving up a food or food's of your choice, and pull into Christ allowing him to search your heart and change it. It is a time of re-organizing our priorities and turning our hunger and cravings for food into a hunger and craving for Christ our Lord. It is a time of windex-ing our hearts windows and allowing the light of Christ illuminate our dark corners that we never even realized are there. We are to dust off our old habits and refurbish them into new God centered ones.

The winter is over! So throw open your heart, and allow Christ to come in as

a cool breeze that refreshes and renews. Delight yourself in him, and do not trust your own eyes, but use this time to learn to fear Him. Humble yourself before Him during this time, and sacrifice your heart to Him, allowing Him to move in and change you. See what He reveals to you, I guarantee you will be blown away at what God will do with this time! But only if you truly allow Him to change your heart towards Him. Good night and Good Luck during this Lent season.

gRoWinG uP

Looking back, seeing what you didn’t, knowing what you couldn’t and laughing at what you wouldn’t.

Leaving what was possible and venturing to the impossible. Believing in the truth and never forgetting the scars required to get there.

Blessing those who you never knew and believing there is still hope for those you do.

Understanding that you will hurt and that hurt will come out in one way or another.

Learning to never underestimate the power of growing up.

Takes one to know one

I have discovered it really does take one to know one. We all point the finger, not thinking about the other three pointing back at us. I had an app. on facebook where you asked a question and anyone could comment anonymously what they thought. I asked if people thought I was a good witness for Christ (Bad idea!) and the comment I got back was, no I am to judgmental. Lately I would agree, I am quick to judge and slow to love. Christ was the exact opposite. I have discovered what keeps me from judging, TEARS, lots of tears. They break down walls and barriers you never even knew you had up. Don't hold them back, let it all out. You will begin to love in ways you never knew you could, and have a much less judgmental life. :)