Ok so it has been a long time since I have made a post but I have not forgotten you blog.
So, I am really tired and very overwhelmed which makes sense that God would want to teach me a very valuable life lesson, because when it rains it pours. Therefore please ignore my awful grammar and anything that is not cohesive in what I am about to write. I really feel like I am suppose to write this for others to read.
This weekend has been crazy out of my control and, for those who know me, this is not something I enjoy. I had nothing to do Friday night so I randomly decided to make the 2 and a half hour drive home to hang out with the fam. My mom has been going through a lot post divorce and she needed some moral support. Well, I discover my A/C is broke on my way back Saturday afternoon at 2:30 in Tulsa traffic. I make it home alive to find the downstairs a mess with food and people. As I am getting in peoples ways trying to put food I had bought in bulk at Sam's I drop my keys, as normal, at my place on the table. I then head upstairs to get ready to go to the talent show. About an hour and a half later I get a text from my housemate telling me her friend whom was over has a set of keys that are not his with, and is wondering if they are mine. Low and behold my keys are not on the table, so yes they are. Two hours, 15 phone calls, an email and a facebook message later I get my keys back although not in time to attend the talent show like I had planned. I am so very mad and frazzled at this point I am beside myself.
I get in my car and head up to the Church to practice my set for this morning, and it is not coming together so I leave to come home and sleep with hope for a better tomorrow. Well, the service was fine, but I really felt like I was pushing for something to happen that was outside of God.
With all weighing on my shoulders I eat a wonderful lunch and watch head to watch a play with my housemate and her dad. Being big mouthed theater snob I say too many of my opinions unknowing in front of the Assistant Director.
I am a mess.
I then attend the Gather ( A jbu student lead service). I go in know what will be taking place through some various connections, so I walk in with certain expectations already.
The speaker is a wonderful woman who tells her life story and begins talking about being bitter and how she isn't. Then the music leaders whom I had some very low expectations for, and had a running list of critiques in my head about, play Center by Charlie Hall.
All this to say, I am an angry bitter person whom does not deserve my job, or my social standing in life. Yet, I have it. So why in God's Good and Great Name am I being bitter and cynical towards HIS AWESOME AND WONDERFUL CREATION??
God may you be the center of my life so that as the speaker said tonight I don't "have the earth's axis lodged in my backside and thinking it revolves around me." God thank you for making me cry tonight, thank you for letting me know this weekend that I am absolutely nothing without your presence in my life, and that every breathe I am breathing is a gift from you that I should not take for granted. I am nothing but because of you I am also something beautiful, and should not "think your love is not good enough and is therefore not worthy of me loving others with it," as the speaker said tonight.
