The Prison

When it comes to the end of a semester, school feels like prison! All you want is the sweet smell of freedom and the wonderful after taste of accomplishment!
Its like Candy canes, they are really pretty and smell really refreshing. So you put it in your mouth and begin the long journey of continually using the muscles of your mouth and saliva to work your way through the candy cane. Every so often pulling it out our your mouth and checking your progress. The taste becomes overwhelming, but you already have it in your mouth. If you put it down you may never pick it back up, so you feel trapped by candy to finish it. It begins to get sharp and poke your mouth, you may even bleed. Yet you are a survivor and you are in it to finish.
Then finally, it dissolves in your mouth and each breath you take reminds you that finished the candy cane and now have really great smelling breath and a wonderfully sweet after taste in your mouth that will last for a long time.

I am trapped in a candy cane school of prison.

Happy Holidays!

Parable of the Talents

When you are smacked in the face with incredibly talented people you become inspired. Which is something that should not be waisted, because inspiration is the most fickle friend you could possibly ever have.

I was surrounded tonight by some incredibly smart and talented people, well two for that matter.They were analyzing one another's talent. I just sat in awe.

I am very crossed with this idea of talent.

I have never viewed myself as an incredibly talented person. But, (bare with me as I am digging very deep into my soul, and it is requiring a lot of narration within my head. I am truly perplexed by all of this.) why do we receive talents and yet as Christians never feel capable of using them, because we need to be "HUMBLE"? When we use them does that mean we are being prideful? We see countless stories in the Bible about people doing what they do because they are gifted in that area.

We all have talents according to Christ, we are all given at least one talent and if we do nothing with it, it is waisted. So, as any good sunday school teacher would say, what is your talent? Buddy the Elf was good at checking fire alarms, and placing the star on top of the Christmas tree, my neighbor is very good at starting up conversations with anyone and being friendly, my mom is very good at telling the truth.

Talent is one of those things that will always cause my mind to be unsettled and I am trying to be okay with that. What is talent and how do we use it? This is another gray area where God comes in and defines it for each of us individually.

If He blesses you with any thoughts into this matter please share, it is much needed!

Its Fall...

Coffee House

I have not written in a long time!

I have been learning a lot about life and what it takes to be a follower of christ. This is not that much fun, although very necessary.

Brief update of my life;

~ School is hard
~ Friends are fun
~ I love being a worship leader
~ I am knitting a scarf
~ I am on my way home for the first time since august and I stopped at Shades of Brown for a coffee

Well there it is my life since last time, hope you all have a great weekend!

I am now 20!

Today is my birthday! I turned 20 at 6 this morning.

I am sitting here at Arsagas in Fayetteville, after having gone to the farmers market this morning. I got some peaches, spinach, cherry tomatoes, and flowers. I love the farmers market! I have been so busy lately with being the new worship pastor at FUMC, and starting a new school year, I have had no time to plan a party or anything for today. So I thought I would treat myself and just hang out this morning doing my favorite things (drinking coffee, reading blogs, being around people).

My mom will be coming up and we will be spending the day together, which will be wonderful. It has been a tradition in my family for years that mom comes and takes us out to lunch on our birthday. Even now that I live a state away nothing has changed. So we will dine on Thai food, enjoy each others company, and then she will go to church with me in the morning. I am very excited! It is a rather non-traditional birthday for most college students, but I am so looking forward to it. I need to relax! I have been to two birthday parties, an engagement party, several back to school parties, and three concerts this week. That is enough for me!

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend and enjoy some relaxation as well!

I LOVE

I love being-

creative
open
sarcastic
with people
ambitious
hopeful
loving
a leader
a friend
a sister
asleep in the middle of the day
at home alone
in the middle of the city drinking coffee
overwhelmed with good news
heartfelt

dancing
on my computer
ME

~A poem to sum up my day~

Devotional

Here is the devotional that I wrote for the Life Church LifeKids email. I sums up everything that God is teaching me right now.

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Deuteronomy 31:7-9

We all go through hard, trying times where we feel distant from God. Yet we are reassured by this verse that the Lord HIMSELF goes before us! What a wonderful thought; he has been there done that and now he is going to walk you through it.

Looking back on many of the hard times that I have been through I realize that God was there the entire time leading me. I had no reason to doubt his presence, just because it’s hard does not mean God is not there. He is usually closer than ever during those hard times, but we think he is distant because we are hurting. The hurt is God refining us, and molding us into who he wants us to be.

So do not be afraid of what is to come or be discouraged by what has happened. Instead, believe that God is right there guiding and helping you every step of the way.

Faith

My name means "mighty world ruler", how do you live up to that!?!? well it all depends on how you define world. I will have to say that I am definitely the ruler of my own world! I am a perfectionist and a control freak, I believe that if you want something done right, just do it your self.

This morning the Preacher for ONE PRAYER at Life Church spoke of how when God seems absent that is when He is working in your life more than you could ever imagine. This summer having to do deal with a lot of disappointment and a big lack of things to do, I was forced to sit and wait. When you sit and wait on God it is a time to seek His guidance, read His word and cry out to Him. I cried out to him through words, music, and dance, the only ways I really know how to cry.

Looking back it was a wonderful time, I grew in many ways. Some that I may never fully understand. Now I am over whelmed with things to do. I am volunteering at Life Church, and United Way, as well as training with Joe's Road Crew and maybe Mexico Joe's.

But back to this morning, the Preacher made a really interesting comment, for many of us after four days of unanswered prayer we give up and think there is no God, but Israel waited four hundred years on God to provide for them. When God seems absent will we be willing continue to be faithful to him? What if it is for 400 years? What if he never provides what you ask? Will you still serve Him? My summer is just now picking up and yet it is half over.

Romans 8:28 is a verse I wake up to every morning in my room, but it has new meaning to me now: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him..." but it may take time. God is good all the time, and all the time God is good, just trust in Him.

I have been fully challenged this summer to be reliant on God, because He has the whole world in his hands, He has the world the I want to be a mighty world ruler of in his hands. I am learning to turn over the reign of my world to Him.

People watching

Went to a park in Tulsa yesterday, despite the heat it was wonderful. I have driven by this park many a time, I always wanted to stop and yesterday I thought "what the hay! Just stop."

So I drove around and picked the ideal parking spot. As I walked through savoury green grass and a thick canopy of trees, I saw a Hispanic family watching the kids play on the swings and drink beer, it looked like a modern day Monet.

I crossed over the hill to the gardens. The gardens were full of small trails and secret passage ways, almost like something out of Alice In Wonderland. One led to a beautiful bench shaded by the trees and another led to a small stepping stone walkway across a narrow part of the lake. Once on the other side there was another bench shaded by the low branch of a tree. I sat down and enjoyed all that came along.

I had two mallard ducks approach me looking for food, a blue jay stopped by to say hi, a big brother in two full sleeved tattoos taking pictures with his sister walked by, a family of brothers under 10 ran around on the scenery in front of me, and a small herd of squirrels played in the trees. I read a couple Psalms, and some pages of my book then decided it was my time to explore. So I found another passageway back over the lake, this time it was a bridge of stone and wood. I came upon a small flower garden where I made a bouquet.

Altogether it was a wonderful afternoon, but the heat finally sent me toodling home.

I left thinking about why am I so amazed at other peoples lives? Is this why I love reality T.V., blogging, facebook, twitter, and so many other things? Because I get to see a glimpse of others lives and decide that mine is either better or worse than theirs?

Do I people watch to understand myself better? Or to understand others better?

It seems such a silly thing but I feel like in some small way I had a glimpse into the life of each person and animal I came in contact with, in some way I made an impact in their day and changed something about what they were to do, think or say. People watching is an amazing thing.

To answer my last two questions, it does both. We understand ourselves better by understanding others better. What a cool God to serve!

Now, I smell a brisket stewing. Another one of the many wonderful things God gives us, besides a brain, delicious food!

God is good, I am humbled

I wrote earlier in a post about the fact that I have been dying! God took away what could have possibly been the best summer of my life and I have done nothing but be a complete bum since. I hate bumming for more than a week. Weird I know but truth. As much as I love to play the guitar, get a full 9 or more hours of sleep and sit on the internet, I need structure! My true weakness, besides coffee, is that I need to be needed. It has been killing me that I am legitimately needed in Orlando by a wonderful Church and for some reason God would not let me help them.

Now, I don't want to say that "it all worked out for the good" because that is a crap phrases that Christians have coined to

1) make us feel better about our lives

2) help us not to deal with things

3) and keep God at a distance from us.

God is a big enough to allow things to not completely revolve around us and he sometimes does things just to do things. He is God, whatever he does is good and justified. This is one of the toughest things that we can possibly try to swallow about God. He is in complete control. Sometimes he proves he is in control through blessings and sometimes its through trial.

Is he always in control? Yes! Does he always know what the outcome is? Maybe, he knows the overall, and he is outside of time, yet we also have freewill(gigantic gray area there). God hates being put in a box and by telling each other as Christians that "it will all work out for the Good!" is putting God in a box. What if God does not make something work out for good? He took away a wonderful summer from me! or maybe he prevented me from getting raped. I have no idea!

Which is exactly the point that God wants me to be at right now. He is so good at challenging me. I never cease to be amazed at the wonderful fact that he is in control and I am not. As hard as I try, as much as I fight, as big a temper tantrum as I throw, he is my father, daddy, husband and the creator of my life. Which means, he can do whatever the hell he wants. Which a lot of times he will create hell just to prove he is God above all gods. Just as in the story of Elijah on mount Caramel, God will tear our gods down and mock them before our faces, whatever we have stupidly put before him he will take and burn to prove he is GOD!

Yes, not going to Orlando was for a purpose, I will say that everything has a purpose. But that does not mean that I am in control of that purpose, that does not mean anything God does makes sense. That means I am serving an amazing God that I cannot understand. As much as we all want a purpose driven life, the purpose is God! To say that everything works out for the good is a lie, divorces happen, people kill people and we live in a fallen world. Everything works out for God's good. He wants us humble before his thrown and completely dedicated to serving Him. We are in a spiritual battle we need to stand up and fight, not hope for the best to happen to us.

The job of being a DJ at Eskimo Joe's is seriously an amazing job, but I will be working at a club. This is going to be hard. Thankfully though I will grow, I will learn and become a step closer to the person God wants me to be!

God is so Good and so JUST! I am standing in awe of the ONE! I am taken care of by a huge God, who is big enough to handle my problems, and is in complete control of my life. that means something completely different to me now.

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

Psalm 3 

 ¹ O LORD, how many are my foes! 
       How many rise up against me!

 ² Many are saying of me, 
       "God will not deliver him." 
       Selah 

 ³ But you are a shield around me, O LORD; 
       you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.

 ⁴ To the LORD I cry aloud, 
       and he answers me from his holy hill. 
       Selah

 ⁵ I lie down and sleep; 
       I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.

 ⁶ I will not fear the tens of thousands 
       drawn up against me on every side.

 ⁷ Arise, O LORD! 
       Deliver me, O my God! 
       Strike all my enemies on the jaw; 
       break the teeth of the wicked.

 ⁸ From the LORD comes deliverance. 
       May your blessing be on your people. 
       Selah

The only difference is- it's not others that are rising against me, it's me rising against myself. 

Marseilles Dress SHABBY APPLE GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Marseilles Dress SHABBY APPLE GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Not only are these dresses fabulous but they donate money to women in need in India. 

My happy ending

Being a girl is not a curse and not a blessing. I have so many opinions and traditionally this is not okay, we are to be seen and not heard. I always want to be heard yet I rarely stand to state my opinions. When I am around friends and around people who I really love, I am completely willing to state what I think (I had a friend tell me one time that I would stand for up for myself only when I truly felt pushed). I never want to embarrass myself by over stepping my boundaries with my opinions. I love so many women that I consider to be strong powerful women who are seen and heard. I want to be one of those women, I want to be a women who knows what she wants and will give everything for it. What do you do when no matter how hard you try you can't be heard? This is where I am right now, I feel like I am crying out, I have been pushed to my limit and beyond and it just keeps coming. I have no idea what God is doing right now with me! None the less, with poise and grace, I am facing this summer with all I have and am going to try to enjoy every bit of it. I will not settle to be seen and not heard, yet I am not going to pitch a fit when things happen outside of my control. I want to be like Elisabeth Bennett, poised, confident, in control, and standing up for what she believes to be truth! 

I guess why I am writing this is because I have been depressed about not being able to go to Florida (on account of economic issues), not being able to find a job, having friends go off and do wonderful things and genuinely just comparing myself to others when I shouldn't. I am tired of feeling like an outsider to myself. This is not me! I loved the quote at the end of He's just not that into you, "sometimes our happy ending is just picking up the pieces and moving on with our lives." Thats where I am right now, just moving on and picking up the pieces of a summer that was not to be.

Summer

Freckles, open windows, boredom that inspires really great memories, sunshine, beaches, heart to hearts, coffee, lazy afternoons, freedom, tanning, reorganizing, self-evaluation, desperation, and it will all be over too quickly. 

LifeChurch.tv Online Church Blog

You know you go to an amazing Church when you walk in to John Mayers' vultures and you get an amazingly convicting service inspired by Elijah, 300 people get saved the previous service and Danny Gokey almost makes an appearance! I just love you Craig Groeschel! 

pictures continued... Ode to Umbrellas

They have done so much for me since it has been raining like crazy, so I just thought I would say thank you!

Pictures

This is the first of many blogs, enjoy!

I have thought about blogging for about a year now, what has been keeping me you ask?

Well many things. First, I try not to do things with out a good reason, and I didn't know anyone personally with a blog. Although, I recently discovered that none of my excuses still apply. I have several friends with blogs including Sara, she is my "good reason". We promised each other over coffee that if one of us got a blog the other had to as well. Since she just got hers, here I am with mine. So Lights, Camera, Martinis and pull curtain...